Runner’s Log 1/12/09 – 1/22/09

1/12/09
[I am so happy to be including a blog in the “Sports” category! It feels so redeeming as a lifelong non-jock formerly envious of all athletic types and well on her way to reinventing inshape-ocity for herself!]

So dreadfully out of shape since it’s been months since I went running. I used to be able to run one block, then walk the next, run the next, walk the next, and do this for about 15-30 minutes, walk back home. Now I’m only able to run half a block and then walk a whole block, run half a block, and I can barely do 10 minutes. NOT sexy!
I’m out of breath, I have chest pains, etc. But I’m glad to be out and am focusing on the fact that I went running for the first time since October. I’m focusing on making it a habit. Focusing on the progress, and not on the failure, not the weight gain.
It was such a beautiful day when I left my brother’s home recording studio in Delaware at 11:00AM to head back to Philly. It was warm and blatantly sunny. I felt like god was strongly urging me to go running, and that if I didn’t, I would be sinning.
But after traveling for three hours to get home, and having had only about as much sleep on each of the two days I was there, I was so tired all I could do when I got home was eat, pleasure myself (more on that later, since you asked), and sleep. So, the sunlight was missed by Moi. But, alas, the night was still to come.
I had an appointment with my CD maker. I was thrilled to be ordering copies of “Capable of Love” – my first studio release in 5 years, and also to be ordering my slimline versions of my backlist full-length titles I could now sell for a measly five bucks. So excited. We met at the Starbucks on Broad & Pine.
Now, on to more urgent and pressing matters: The self-pleasuring thing. One of the things that CD Maker Girl and I talked about was the dreamy freedom of living alone. Right now I share a place with a non-lover and I don’t even have my own room. A living room is my only space. Everything I own is in that room.
You never know what you’ve got until it’s gone. Now that I’m having to make the bathroom my unglamorous boudoir, if you will, I fondly recall with much appreciation where I last lived before leaving NYC with another swinging bachelorette chyk who happened to work the opposite hours I did. We’d have our lovers and our dates and our swank place and our red wine. I’d come home to our glamorous and empty apartment and set up my own private bedroom for a languid 2 or 3 hours filled with audible (you’re welcome, neighbors!) orgasms and followed by sumptuous reading, joyful writing, and healing, rejuvenating sleep. A slightly different scenario to say the least.
CD Maker Girl and I also talked about cats who eat things they shouldn’t. Her cat eats CD Maker Girl’s hair and also plastic bags. I recommended keeping a Boston fern or other edible plant around for her cat to enjoy as a regular salad, which would not only help her cat’s nervous eating habit, but help it pass the huge hairballs it passes on a weekly basis. (I also recommend she put the Bach Flower Essence “Rescue Remedy” in her cat’s water to calm it down further.)
We talked about work, sex, and relationships. I told her I’d recently been having a hard time getting my lovers’ names right when talking to them, and embarrassed myself and one of them by calling him another’s name accidentally. (Tacky!! Luckily that happened only once…) She said, “Why don’t you just call them all ‘Baby’?”
“Baby” is a very intimate and affectionate name to me. I’ve never been called that, nor have I called a lover “baby”. All kinds of crazy and cute nicknames (and whatever names my Dominants wanted to call me), along with the occasional sweetie and honey, yes, but mostly we use each other’s names. So it wouldn’t be easy to just start calling them only “Baby” or “sweetie” or “honey” all the time.


1/17/09
Ran very little, but ran. Could do no more than ½ a block at a time again. Out of breath, but did a lot of walking and paced myself. Was thankfully much warmer out than yesterday. Still don’t like running here, in comparison to New York, but that’s mostly to do with the factors behind my being here and not there – nothing to do with the city nor the neighborhood itself, though I’d like to drag myself to Rittenhouse Square soon and do some running there.
Running along Kelly Drive is always sexy, but I’m only here to use the office and I’m almost always coming here after hours of busking, so I’m already tired and I’m also not carrying my running clothes and sneakers with me. But having the dream is important – I still have the dream of running along Kelly Drive again sometime soon, so maybe it’ll happen.


1/18/09
I ran so little today, it’s almost a friggin’ joke to writ it down, but the truth is I did run and that means I get to write it down so there. Much, much milder today. Much appreciated, Ma Nature.



1/22/09
Very warm and sunny out. I didn’t even need gloves. Still dreadfully out of shape. Glad to be at least running regularly, though. Looking forward to feeling more endurance and physical improvement. Saw pigeons and remembered New York. Also thought of Beldgian sleith Hercules Poirot (Agatha Christie’s fictional character) who abhors pigeons. (Unlike Sesame Street’s “Bert” who adores them.




c) Copyright 2009 by Cassendre Xavier a.k.a. Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.Cassendre Xavier is a self-described “renaissance negresse”. Although she also enjoys acting and making visual art, this first generation American-born citizen of Haitian and Chinese heritage is mainly a musician and a writer. As a singer-songwriter/guitarist, Cassendre has released 8 albums of music described as “a cross between Tracy Chapman, Sade, and Enya” (Borders Music Expert Steven M. Wilson). Her sound has also often been compared to that of Roberta Flack, Joan Armatrading, Joni Mitchell, Pheobe Snow, and India.Arie, among others. Her latest musical recording, “Live at Tin Angel” was honorably mentioned as #9 of “Top 21 Local LPs of 2007” (M.J. Fine, Philadelphia City Paper). Under her self-assigned soul name Amethyste Rah and featuring music of light by Thaddeus (Sanaya Roman), she has a growing line of spoken word guided meditation recordings called “Affirmations for Survivors”, the first two being “Spirituality” and “Self-Love”. Her “snappy and redeeming” (Karen Gross, Philadelphia City Paper) multi-genre writing has been published nationally in various literary anthologies and periodicals, as well as previously self-published chapbooks “secrets & lies: poetry and other words” and “Making of a Woman/Artist: a book for every black girl and every black woman who has ever wanted to be an artist”. She wrote, directed, and starred in a 5-actor play called “Sex for Survivors” which ran for three days in the Philly Fringe Festival 2003. An award-winning cultural arts advocate, Cassendre is the founder and former director of several arts initiatives in Philadelphia including the Women’s Writing & Spoken Word Series (Robin’s Bookstore, 2002-2006) and the Black Women’s Arts Festival (The Rotunda and other venues, 2003-present). She received a $15,000 Leeway Transformation Award in 2005 for her work in art and change. A New York City native who has made her home in Philadelphia since 1990, Cassendre enjoys an active, raw vegan lifestyle, writing/composing/recording/performing, and getting as many naps and hot dates in as possible. Visit often at www.cassEndrExavier.com.



All CX bloggery (a.k.a. “bloggational devicery units”): ME! ME! ME! The Cassendre Xavier Newsletter, Green Smoothie Raw Blog, One Lucky Girl Blog, and Runner’s Log, all viewable at www.myspace.com/cassEndrExavier or http://cassEndrE.livejournal.com.